Ten things to keep in mind with difficult board members
By Liam Brown
June 2, 2008
Last month, we spoke about the different types of people that can cause conflicts on the board. This month, we are going to talk about the ten
things you need to keep in mind when you encounter one of these
difficult board members.
1. Let them know that you hear them and understand their
point of view.
Many difficult people become so because they feel like they
aren’t being understood. They use strong language, yelling,
or getting ‘in your face’. If you demonstrate that you are listening and
speak more quietly yourself, they will tend to mellow out and
be less difficult.
2. Don’t take their actions personally.
Difficult behaviour is rarely pointed at you. It is aimed at
everyone in general. Don’t get personally caught up in it.
3. They are probably trying hard, but are frustrated.
Difficult people are often passionate people. They are acting
in a way they have ‘learned’ over time. By not buying
into it, you don’t reinforce to them that it is appropriate. Rise
above them and don’t get frustrated yourself.
4. Keep your cool.
If you can get past taking it personally and realize that them
being difficult is primarily THEIR issue, you can desensitize
yourself from the situation. Remember to breathe; don't get angry and feed their fire.
5. Sift through what you are hearing.
Strain out the negative emotions, personal jibes, and bad
attitude and, instead, try to gather the useful information that
they are trying (poorly) to share with you. Remember that what is
a ‘fact’ to them is rarely a fact. Rather, it is something they
think is useful to their rant.
6. Don’t ruin your day or your night’s sleep over difficult personalities.
Some people have just decided that it benefits them to be
difficult. You can’t control how they act, but you can control how
they get to interact with you.
7. Be courteous and have compassion.
Bite your tongue and don’t engage in verbal combat with
them, nor mirror their negative body language. Look for a
way to feel a level of compassion for their suffering with their
own difficulty.
8. You can’t change their personality.
Work with their behaviour, not them as a person. Don’t necessarily put
the two in bed together. We’ve all acted at some
point in a way that we are embarrassed by. Don’t judge the
person as a whole just because they have decided to be
difficult.
9. Try to focus on creating a good outcome for both you and the
person.
No one has to ‘win’ in a situation. Look for a mutually
beneficial outcome.
10. Decide if you need to ‘fix’ the situation.
If the difficult person is only frustrating, leave it alone. If,
however, they are making your personal life hell and
disrupting your ability to be productive, you need to address the situation. This could be done by controlling contact. Decide what is best for you, the board, and the overall
organization.
Liam Brown is a member of Small Army Communications, a West Coast-based training firm that works with nonprofit and charitable groups across Canada and the USA. Visit www.smallarmy.ca for more information.
