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Visiting elderly donors: 10 big challenges
By Kayla Stevenson
The following article is reprinted from the July and August 1999 issues of Gift Planning in Canada (TM), Copyright ©1999 by Planned Giving Today®. All Rights Reserved.
Having been at the University of Victoria for 12 years now, I have had the privilege of working closely with many aging seniors. The stories about my personal experiences could easily fill a book. Because of this experience, I was asked to give a presentation on "Visiting with Elderly Donors" at the recent CACP conference in Calgary. Here is a summary of the 10 most common challenges:
1. Mobility Challenged
Have you ever arranged to take an elderly donor out for tea and set a time to pick her up, only find out she has a wheelchair? Or a walker? Here are a few options:
Don't take your donor anywhere.
Pre-arrange to pick your donor up in a cab that will accommodate the wheelchair.
Meet your donor there and let her make her own arrangements to get there, perhaps by Handi Dart transportation.
Arrange for a wheelchair that you can use on site. Be sure to book the chair in advance if you do this.

2 Sight and Hearing Challenged
As people age, their sight or hearing may fade. Great sensitivity is needed to recognize situations where a donor may have a slight impairment such as fading sight or hearing, but still wants to remain independent. Here are a few tips:
For the sight-impaired, offer your elbow for guidance. Do not take his arm and push or pull him around.
If he declines the assistance, alert him to objects or stumbling blocks such as a curb or stairs that he might not fully see before he gets there.
Offer to visit your donor at home and bring along finger food that can easily be eaten with dignity.
Offer to read something that you have brought along about your organization.
For hearing loss, try to tactfully determine if hearing in one ear is better than another and move to that side.
Raise your voice only if you are sure he truly did not hear you and is not just thinking through a response.

3. Sensitivity to Heat and Cold
Elderly people seem to be more sensitive to heat and cold than others. Typically, they feel cold more intensely. Points to remember:
If your donor is attending an outdoor function such as a building opening, be prepared to provide blankets.
If you plan on taking your donor somewhere that may be drafty, ask her whether she has an extra sweater or wrap just in case.
Take an extra umbrella for protection to and from your car. (Can you tell I live on the West Coast?)
Don't park 10 blocks away and ask your donor to walk to your destination in 30-below weather.

4. Heart Illnesses
Some elderly people suffer from a gradually weakening heart. If they walk, it can he very, very slow. Going up an incline or stairs can be a real challenge to the heart. Hints for your donor's comfort:
Allow plenty of time if you must walk to and from a parked car, even if it is only one block.
Deliver your donor to the door. Plan ahead for his comfort while waiting for you to park. Make sure there is a place to sit in shelter.
Arrange for wheelchair transport if your donor is very weak. Be sure to discuss this before making the arrangements. Plan to meet his needs together and don't assume that you know them in advance. Elderly people can be fiercely independent about needing assistance if they have been mobile all their lives.

5. Terminal Illness
Donors who know they have a terminal illness typically want to move quickly to wind up their affairs, and to plan all the details before they die. Things to think abort:
Be sensitive to the donor's sense of timing; be prepared to act when she wishes to discuss her gift plans.
Visits to a terminally ill donor may often be in her home, at a time when she knows she will be feeling her best. Be flexible for visit times.
The donor is more likely to want to talk about her death, and at some point will have come to terms with its imminence. Try to be comfortable discussing a topic that may be awkward for you.
Caregivers usually have a regular schedule. Ask what the schedule is and arrange your visit outside of those times.

6. Centenarians
We have some wonderful 100-year olds in Victoria. This segment of the population is growing rapidly. The image of an ancient person living their final days in a care facility is being shattered by centenarians who are active and alert to their last day. What to keep in mind:
Take nothing for granted. He may be frail physically, but totally alert.
Assume that your centenarian will need a companion when going out. That companion could be you! See challenges 1-5 above before doing this, though.
Be prepared to talk about yourself, your organization, your family, what's new in the world, or the weather. Your donor may prefer listening to you, nodding agreeably and enjoying your company. There are some (very few) situations when a one-way conversation may be called for. This is one of them.

7. The Art of Conversation
As our elderly donors age, or suffer from distracting illnesses, the art of conversation takes on a life of its own when visiting with them. Here are a few tips on how to keep the conversation going:
Look around your donor's home and observe. Ask your donor questions about what you see. Then sit back and enjoy hearing about her life and interests.
Read the daily papers, particularly the local one. Many donors with time on their hands will read the paper. Ask her a question about an item that appeared.
Take something along to read that might be of interest. This works especially well when visiting a donor in the hospital.
If you do not have a wide variety of interests, develop some. The more interesting you are as a person, the easier it is to have a conversation with someone.
Slow your pace down to match your donor's pace of speaking and thinking. Allow her time to think between sentences without jumping in.

8. Reliving the Past
Many elderly donors like to re-live their favourite moments. This is where your listening skills reach new heights.
No matter how many times you have heard a story, listen to it again with as much enthusiasm as you did the first time.
As you listen, picture yourself in the scenario he or she is describing and ask questions about the details of the story. Show an active interest.
Get to know your community's history. If your donor has been there many years, chances are you can relate something else in history or some local landmark that relates to the story your donor is telling you and ask questions about that.
Don't be too quick to jump in with your own contribution. Sit back, relax and enjoy what your donor is saying.

9. Talking About Death and Making Final Arrangements
With elderly donors, a conversation about death is inevitable. The donors I have known want to make sure all final arrangements have been made. How to ease the conversation about death:

Don't shy away from the subject when he brings it up. Be prepared to talk about his death when he wants to.
If you have not prepared your will, do it today. You will have first hand experience that you can talk about with your donor.
If you have not prepared health care authorization forms and arranged power of attorney, do it now. Once again, nothing replaces that direct experience that you can relate to your donor.
If your donor is concerned about what will happen to his possessions, suggest that he label each one on the back with the name of the person to whom it is to be given.
Be prepared with an answer if the donor asks you which of his possessions you want.

10. Saying Goodbye
As gift planners, we owe it to our donors to pay our last respects to them when they die. Regardless of our own personal beliefs, we should be there at the funeral or memorial service to represent our organization, to say how much their contribution was valued and to acknowledge that they were important to us.
How to gracefully say goodbye:
Know your donor's history with your organization before you attend the service to refresh your memory on her donations and other relationships she had with you.
If flowers are accepted, send flowers to the service on behalf of your organization.
At the service, introduce yourself tactfully to the family, if you do not already know them, and let them know how much her contribution made a difference to your organization.
If the service calls for it, be ready to speak publicly about her generosity to your organization and what her gifts accomplished.
Sign the guest book with your name and if appropriate, your organization.
Pay your personal respects appropriate to the service while you are there and participate.
Send a personal hand-written note to the family.
Of all the development work I have done, gift planning has presented the most unique challenges. At the same time, it is the most personally rewarding for me. It is meeting our donors one-on-one and seeing their delight in having what Jerry Panas calls the "good giving experience," and knowing that this makes a difference to our organization that makes it well worth the extra effort. Kayla D. Stevenson, CFRE, is director of development and gift planning at the University of Victoria. She is a member of the Editorial Team of "Gift Planning in Canada."