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Managing Conflict in a Female Dominated Workplace
By Tracy Douglass
January 24, 2005

For a long time, women's greatest challenge in the workplace was trying to break through the 'glass ceiling' and be treated equal to their male counterparts. While many would argue that a glass ceiling still exists, women have made tremendous strides in the past two decades. There are more women with full-time jobs than there were 20 years ago and more women than ever hold positions of power and influence in their places of work. However, having more women in the workplace can create new challenges.

According to research, nonprofits have more women in the workplace than any other sector (Job Quality in Nonprofit Organizations, Canadian Policy Research Networks, January 2003). This information is significant when studying conflict in the workplace since women interact with and expect different things from their co-workers than men, which results in a completely different approach to dealing with conflict.
Women and Conflict
Studies compiled in Phyllis Chesler's groundbreaking book, Woman's Inhumanity to Woman, reveal that there are fundamental differences between how women and men deal with conflict.

Women tend to deny that they are competitive. Women are socialized to believe that feelings of envy and hostility are not "nice". This then leads to covert, anonymous aggressive behaviour such as gossip, backbiting, rumours, formation of cliques, and exclusion.

Women learn from childhood that belonging and relationships are more important than succeeding or being right.

Women expect other women to provide them with continuous and large supplies of nurturance, support, and sympathy.

Women perceive conflict or criticism personally. Since women expect other women to be nurturing, when aggression comes from another woman they feel betrayed.

Women judge other women more harshly and more frequently than men judge women. This is because women's expectations of other women are so high and unrealistic as per point 3 and 4.
It would appear that in a nonprofit workplace, where there are more women, you should expect a more supportive familial atmosphere. However, to maintain this atmosphere, women may not strive to improve performance because they fear their co-workers may exclude them. Any signs of conflict will be quite subtle with exclusionary behaviours and feelings of personal betrayal.
Managing this Conflict
What can you do as a co-worker or manager to deal constructively with conflict involving women?

Recognition: The ability to recognize exclusionary behaviours will be your best tool. Addressing rumours and gossip and revealing false information will stop the behaviour. A colleague described to me her experience chairing an all-female board. Discussions during the meetings were awkward and forced. Members rarely offered an opinion unless the chair specifically addressed them and asked them to speak. None of the members wanted to risk stating an opinion in case the other members would judge them "wrong". The chairperson began directing the meetings so that each member was asked for her opinion. She then rephrased their statements so that it seemed like more than one person voiced the opinion and wasn't alone. One the next discussion point she would go around the table again but starting with somebody else. After a few meetings everyone got used to expressing herself without the fear of isolation.

Challenge and Evaluate Criticism: Since studies have shown that women can be more critical and judgemental of their fellow women, managers must always seek facts and observed behaviours to support any judgements so that opinions are less subjective. This tendency has been documented in studies of job interviews. It has been shown consistently that if an interviewing team consists of both a man and a woman and they interview a female job applicant, the woman interviewer will score the female job applicant lower than her male counterpart. But if a male is interviewed, both interviewers will grade close to the same score.

Another chairperson described her board of directors where two or three board members would socialize regularly and the conversation would consist primarily of criticizing and gossiping about the other board members. To address this, she met individually with the board members to address effectiveness of the board. She listened to their opinions of the other board members and when she heard negative comments she asked for specific examples of events or behaviours that they had actually seen that would support their opinions. She said that each meeting revealed false or exaggerated information and board relations drastically improved afterwards.

Balanced Response: Responding to conflict in a way that is balanced is critical. Women respond best to managers whom they perceive as being both supportive and assertive. As stated earlier, women expect support and nurturing but managers must be careful not to be so supportive that conflict is avoided altogether. In the example of the all-female board, all of the interviews were supportive and the relationships were preserved since she spent the time listening to her board members. Yet she was assertive enough to challenge the statements to reveal generalizations and exaggerations. A Child Care Administrator told me she responded very positively to her last manager who used a mentoring process, which included brainstorming ideas to solve problems. She preferred this manager to the previous one, whose style was to tell her the problem and then expect her to go back to her office and fix it.

Constructive Statements: Calm, constructive comments that are focused on the problem, not the person, are essential. According to Teresa Bernandez, since women are socialized to hide anger, when they hear a female express anger, they reject the woman without even hearing what she is saying. They won't take the time to see if what is being said is true or important. Your credibility is closely linked to your ability to keep from expressing yourself angrily. The cooperative, social nature of women requires a more integrated approach to conflict resolution.

Communication Skills: Specific communication skills will also help preserve the relationship so that the other person does not feel attacked or excluded from the group.

Use "I" statements
Avoid generalizations like "never" or "always"
Focus on one issue at a time
Use active listening skills
State the issue as a mutual problem that you are seeking her involvement in solving.
All of these communication tools help build a trusting, supportive environment.

Self-monitoring: Finally, be personally aware of your own behaviour. I enjoy a good gossip session and the great feeling of belonging that comes with this type of sharing. I love looking at the headlines of the tabloids at the grocery store checkout line. However, I am very careful to stick to facts and issues, not feelings, when interacting with my co-workers about work-related topics. My best friend experienced a conflict at work the other day and she said that her first reaction was to describe how hurt and betrayed she felt, but she was able to control this impulse so that she could obtain the other person's perspective first. By stopping her potentially destructive behaviour and using constructive statements, she was perceived as a calm, assertive individual and the information she received was invaluable as they attempted to resolve the conflict.

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Sources

Woman's Inhumanity to Woman, by Phyllis Chesler, Thunder's Mouth Press/Nation Books, 2001

In the Company of Women, by Pat Heim and Susan Murphy, with Susan Golant, Jeremy P Tarcher/Putnam, 2001

"The Effects of Organizational Demographics and Social Identity on Relationships Among Professional Women", by Robin Ely, Administrative Science Quarterly, 39, 1994

"Issues of Power and Powerlessness in All-Woman Groups", by Laurett Woolsey and Laura-Lynne McBain, Women's Studies International Forum, 10, (6), 1987

"Discursive Essentializing in a Woman-Owned Business: Gendered Stereotypes and Strategic Subordination", by Paige P. Edley, Management Communication Quarterly, 14, 211-306, 2000

"Conflicts With Anger and Power in Women's Groups", by Teresa Bernardez, In Betty DeChant: Women and Group Psychotherapy, 1996
Tracy Douglass is a respected Human Resources Management Specialist and Facilitator for social services and nonprofits. As an experienced facilitator and trainer, she specializes in conflict resolution practices, change management, and personnel development. She delivers seminars and workshops at conferences as well as customized training. She can be reached at TnPHR@mts.net.